I find myself composing blog posts in my head - really, it makes me cringe when I think about how much time I devote to what's in my head rather than what's in front of my face. I think I have had at least 3-4 different posts worked out. But I've forgotten those now, and this blog thing really should be unplanned.
I can't keep hiding. My instincts tell me to just curl up in a ball and remain motionless. Maybe then this gigantic destructive monster will not notice me. But that's not going to happen, because the monster has me on radar. If I stood up and faced the monster [wow, this is very cliche-y] I might survive. Might being the key word here because I am weak [my golf coaches have been harping at me to work out for years. But no. I sit and read.]
It's hard to break out of a passive shell when the mere thought of leaving the house with no objective or talking to a grocery store clerk makes me break out in cold sweat.
I know that I can't keep heading down this road to nowhere. I can't just sit at my desk and my computer and plough on through my homework and pretend that everything will stay exactly the same. This may well be the time that things do not work out by themselves.
Don't I want a voice? Don't I want to "suceed"? Don't I want to make a difference? Of course I do.
Maybe I just don't want it enough?
Careful -Paramore
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