Censors...

on myself. I realized that the most difficult school projects that I come across are those that are more personal. 10 page research paper? Not much of a problem. Heartfelt paragraph discussing my goals for this year? Big, big problem.

I suppose this has always been happening, but I never really paid much attention to it. I would just compose a generic, superficial paragraph, take my points, and never look back. Perhaps it is because this year I am writing more - not just in my blog, but in other places: my "chronicles" [fancy name for a journal recounting the day's events in meticulous and rambling detail] loose leafy sheets where I rant, stories, stories, and stories.

I suppose I shall have to choose. Hide, which is always a safe [nothing wrong with safe] option. Or learn to speak out. [Which is not safe at all. But gratifying, because you know that you have an opinion, and everyone else knows so too. Which means there's proof and witness that you're not a turnip head. With no brains/substance/original thought.]

Eh? What was I doing again? Oh, right. Working on a website for Imaging class.

Instructions for "Artist Statement Page": Write a brief artist statement that explains your philosophy on your art. Discuss what kind of art you enjoy looking at, what art inspires you, and what kind of art you like to create. Discuss what elements of art and principles of design are the focus of your work. Possibly include what area of digital art you find to be your specialty

Even this is difficult. I know a lot of people will probably bs this. Should I? Because part of me wants to have fun with this, and hopefully dazzle everyone with my wit and thoughtful prose [yeah, right]. But another part of me knows that it would mean letting people know how I think [even if they don't care, I know, and I care, and I'm the one I have to live with.] and I'll probably get the same amount of points as the next bs-er.

Why do I like being so darn secretive? Maybe it's an attempt to create more layers to myself because everything else is a mess and not that deep.

Gr. Bottom line? I'm uncomfortable [and always was] with letting people "get to know me" and since I've gotten closer to writing, it's become more personal. And now I am hesitant to show my writing to anyone...
[Exceptions:
1) My English teacher, because it's a writing course and I want a good grade and you can't get those by faking.
2) Erin because she's in my English class and she's pretty much my closest friend.
3) Susan, because she's also a close friend and my writing buddy and being writing buddies would be difficult if one person refuses to show their writing...
4) My blog - here, of course - I can write whatever I feel like with little censoring except for the names, mostly because I feel pretty safe knowing that no one will read it {Except Gadi, my one reader, by default, the fourth person, who is a writer himself and has a blog where he writes...odd friendship, since he moved. Well, always an odd friendship, because he was somewhat scorned when he was here. Probably by me. But I don't remember. But then again, they say a bully never remembers his actions. So if I did, Gadi, I'm sorry.}

I think that's pretty much it. *shuffles awkwardly away*

Writing these blog posts is always very interesting, mostly because I never know what I'll end up writing about. And they make me feel better. They take an awful lot of time, though. Good thing I don't have much [any] homework tonight. Good thing I don't have much homework this year. Only had enough room for three aps. Well, four, but I didn't want to take an ap art.

I think it's time I stopped now.

Response to "Artist Statement Page" [Maybe.]: I believe that art takes many forms, transcends the field of logic and reason. I enjoy looking at digital art, because I spend ridiculous amounts of time on the computers, and sculptures and grafitti [on the few occasions when I make it outdoors]. I can never tell exactly what inspires me. My art is like dreams - I know they have come from my experiences in one way or another, but they are so conglomerated that they are indistinguishable from each other.