Last day of Summer

I feel like I should be grateful - many other schools start a week before mine.

We've all heard of the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and known the moral: Slow and steady wins the race. I don't think that's true at all. It's a matter of pride. It wasn't that the hare and incapable of winning the race. He was simply too confident in his ability to do so that he decided to take a nap instead of pushing though and winning by a landslide.

The tortoise had no chance but to keep plodding along, at least to say that he tried. I doubt that he forsaw his opponent taking a nap in the middle of a race - or, if he did, it was only a guess based on character. When he saw the hare having a nice snooze, he took advantage of the opportunity that was handed to him (like we all do) and won the race.

Alaska Waves

I've been lazy again. Of course, I did spend the past week in Alaska. I did not see Russia. I did not find the ice cube key chain. I'm devastated. Just kidding. I find that it's really hard to write here. Every time I think of an idea, it just doesn't seem to get done. It's not important enough, I guess. But what is?

Titles are hard to do.

I think I forgot to mention this, and it's long due. All the credits for the beautiful background and picture go to Gadi.

Friday, August 7th, 2009.

____ told me to make a blog. Sure, it was probably around 11 pm, which is extremely late for her. But it was a good idea. I'll just continue this one. And frankly, I have nothing better to do.



Notice I didn't mention her name. On her advice. And I figured if she suggested that I change names, she'd probably be a little irritated if I didn't change her name. So I'll call ____ ... Susan. :)



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The below is just a (really long) quote, and some thoughts. You don't have to read it, but I do think it's pretty interesting. *shrug* Maybe that's just me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U11RpcSEM_Y&feature=rec-lis-watch-cur_emp-exp_r2



"ok, i made this a while ago becaue this is how i felt. now ive noticed some of the comments ppl left me and some asked if i was emo, no im not, i have cut myself before but i dont do it often, only if i have a major breakdown and no one is around, which is hardly ever...anywaysive learned not to worry to much about these kind of relationship things, yes getting your heart broken sucks but you still shouldnt give up, there is love out there, just take your time, i bet 99% of the people that commented this are under 18 like me, your sstill young enjoy your life, also being "emo" or not talking to people doesnt help, be out going and confident works alot better, and you feel better about yourself and your more likely to get that person your always thinking about, anyways if anyone ever needs any help or advice or just wants to talk, my names thomas, im 14, i live in the florida keys, myspace is www.myspace.com/we_can_be_the_change and my aim is lighttheworld1*update*Now I've totall shifted my lief around. I have an amazing girlfriend and were in love. I'm going to church and active with m outhgroup. Anyone going through rough times can over come. If anyone ever needs help I'll help you. I'm not gonna comfort you and tell you what you wanna hear. I'll give you the harsh truth and then how to make it better so you can actually change your life. And when your in doubt turn to God. He gives us everything so long as we accept his son christ into our hearts. He gave me a great life and a great girlfriend after I started going to church and became christian. The same can happen to you too. So if you want help with your problems or want me to help you get closer to God, let me know, my aim and myspace are above.*update* my girlfriend left me. for some stoner. I'm still strong tho, i learned something from my youthpastor, God already knows who our one person is, and when were ready He'll introduce usAlso please watch my newest video that says hands on hands in the front and tell me what you think about the project*update 12/11/08*so starting in october i've been feeling seperated from God. I'd been feeling depressed by school problems and family issues and friends and stuff like that. I felt so far away from God so I started looking for something to fill the hole. I did something I swore i would never do. I started smoking pot. Sure at the times I was high I couldn't even remember I was depressed but when I sobered up again I remembered all my problems and that everything was still the same. I also started drinking. But then one of my friends said I had changed. I got really hurt by this and unleashed all my built up anger at her. Then another one asked "what happened to that good little christian boy I used to know?" I flipped out on her too. but then just in the past couple weeks I found a verse in my bible during youth group. It said wounds from a friend can be trusted. I asked my youth pastor what that meant and he explained it to me. I understood then that sometimes our friends say stuff and it hurts us but they only say it because they care about us. So in these past 2 weeks I have been 100% sober and I plan on staying that way for the rest of my life. God has forgiven me and blessed me so much in these past couple of weeks since I quit. My birthday was the 9th and it was my best ever. The girl I likes mom baked me a cake and my friend had a surprise party for me and it was just a great day. I just thought I should share this with you guys. Stay in touch! (p.s. I'm 15 now)"

I noticed this because it was different from what I usually see. It reminded me of "On the Outside Looking In" By Jordan Pruitt. Yet while that was Disney channel and thus somewhat optomistic, the above shows someone who fell and was picked up and fell harder. I don't know if God exists and I'm not going to go into a fruitless argument about it with you, but the point is he believes God exists, and it does seem to have helped with his recovery.

Wait. That wasn't my point. Oh, yes. My point: some people complain with the iconic words "story of my life" in the youtube videos about breakups and relationships and such, but really? It's just like my math teacher said, "take things in perspective." Really. It's hard though. Like in Peace, Love, and Rubber Ducks by Lauren Myracle. "You just drown in your own muck inside." Sometimes I get that feeling in golf. Or see people going through it. You get caught up in your internal struggles and forget the outside world. You forget that everyone else suffers too. You forget the beauty of the sunrise and the subtlety of the shadows and the meaning of real pain. You drown in self pity. [And yes I made a bunch of random references and quotes that I hope you followed. I'm in a hurry. It's 10:41 of August 8th and I have to go to bed!]

So that's it for my first new post in a long time. Odd intro of a culmination of two days...but I hope you're happy, Susan.

What a retarded storm. What a stupid headache. What a miserable day. What a pathetic sob story.

Gosh. Goshdarn. Goshdarnnit. Gjfrosiejrflksaje;lkj

I really don't want to start my chem paper. But I have to. Because I chose this class. I am so stupid. Why didn't I just drop like a normal lazy person?

I am neurotic. Gadi was right. Cuz a few hours ago I was ranting. I was mad, and frustrated. Now I feel helpless. Tongue-tied. Two conversations. Very different topics. All I can say is "Yeah" To both of them. But seriously, what CAN I say? I don't know. So much hopelessness and despair.

Ugh. Kill me. Can't I do my stupid lab without any mishaps for one day? It's not like I'm doing something dangerous here. My head hurts. I'm cold. I can still smell those sparklers and the acetone and the bunsen burner and the oil and the melted rubber. It's destroying my nostrils. WHY!?

Carrie Yang wrote a rant on facebook. It's very interesting, and I'm completely guilty of it.


ok srsly? rant rant rant.
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Yesterday at 11:18pm
everyone i talked to is like im going to take 5/6 APsits like this year how everyone was like im going to take ap chemeveryones still going to do it. but u know ur killing urselves.that being said im prolly going to do the same :[and u guys srsly wonder y other people do drugs and shit evn though they know that they r just wasting their lives away? well now u know.and dont say: well at least we r ensuring our future/im azn i have to/everyone else is how else can i keep up?the screwed up people r like: at least we are having fun atm/im a teenager/everyone else is how else can i keep up?parallels oooOOOooo.:[ makes me wanna pack up and run off. gain life experiences or something. and if ppl r like, oh u totally threw away ur life i can be like fuck you at least i did the forrest gump where i still pwn u at life in general. nice salary, nice family, nice car, american dream whoop-de-freaking-do still doesnt beat my life experiences.this just makes me a little pissed of in general. stupid overachieving people who make me feel pressured to sign up for ridiculous classes. u guys rly suck u know that?sniff. i rly cant run away tho. and hitch-hiking=sketchyness. -.-''' im not supposed to be so stressed at such a young age.isnt this supposed to be a "rebellious" stage? i feel like we r such dream children. like wtf. i really just feel like doing something wacky and coming home and expressing my individuality/rebelliousness/teenage angst which i cant even do. last time i wanted to do something a bit risky (not evn illegal) ppl were like ehh we shouldnt be doing this. and its like ARGHHH we r still minors. we can just be like oh we srry we r stupid/ didnt see the no tresspassing sign/we're teenagers. like once everyone gets to the age where we have no more AP classes and stuff we r going to be too old to have fun anymore.so this is basically my rant about how college has dominated our lives and how all these azn teens today are not evn teens but more like victims of the college parasite where all the fun and life is getting sucked out of us slowly.makes me wanna be a rebel. i can legally drive a motorcycle. i can save up money for it. i can get my permit and take the lessons (of course with a super hot instructor) and look rly cool with it. and after all my research on it and how much a motorcycle costs and yadda yadda i realized that my backpack is too heavy (where would i put all my AP books duh) and that i cant carry my lax stuff on a bike. maybe someday i will just join a peaceful biker gang. like bikers for world peace or something. i dont think i will ever need chem or calc in a biker gang. but wat sounds like rlyrlyrly fun is an auto mechanic. u just fix up cars and more cars. its like one big scioly building event. i would love to be a little greasy monkey and just fix up cars. screw pay. it would be so much fun. maybe ill get my associates degree in it and then do it as a backup job/midlife crisis career. cuz srsly i have no idea of what i want to do in life. wats the point of taking all these APs if im just going to join a biker gang or fix cars all day? NADA. i dont evn need serious college. and srsly ive been doing so much science and i dont evn like it that much. its okay but i srsly dont care about molecular reactions and their forces and stuff. im more of a legos person. and a power tools person. sometimes when im pipetting my .5 uL crap (which is literally a third of a drop of water about) i just feel like hammering all my tubes into the counter.screw this im speeding off in my motorcycle tonight.
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You like this.

Shayna Yong at 11:46pm February 10
you need cooler friends ^_^just kiddingREBEL, CARRIE!come to sdsu with meand take two free periods next year

Shayna Yong at 11:47pm February 10
it's ok if you don't take 5-6 apsbut you should improve your grammar just a tad ;)

Carrie Yang at 11:55pm February 10
sdsu is too close to home. cant rebel if my mom is always going to pop in and say heyyyyand i wish.my grammar -.-'''

Robert Johnson at 12:25am February 11
kawasaki ninja is the way to go.I don't like harleys.they're big, loud, slow, and look painful.

Carrie Yang at 12:26am February 11
fine. maybe more like a moped gang. the electric ones since we r so globally conscious

Deanna Poof at 6:51am February 11
Maybe colleges drugged us when we were kids so that we obsessively take APs until we either are good enough to get into college or we die..
Andrew Fan at 12:57pm February 11
hahaha...nice...we love u carrie :)come to youth group sometime...our mindless activities will take ur mind off of school...school is stoopid...dont worry about it :)

Mindy Duong at 3:51pm February 11
I've been pretty pissed about the same thing, especially to people who are like coming up to me and boasting about it. But I've realized, who cares? Their decisions can't affect you, not without your consent. Let them do what they want. Let them have no lives and complain about their AP classes. (Why are people like that? They sign up for a hard class, brag abou it and shove it in your face like they're so awesome, and then when they're taking the class they complain about what a hard class it is.) You get to smirk and be happy cause you're doing what YOU want, your way. Be happy with what you're doing.Um. yeah.

Mindy Duong at 3:52pm February 11
And OMG I was totally thinking about a motorcycle too :] Ever since Drake got a license for his haha.

I think it's too late to stop. If I stop now then people will say, "I told you so, you can't handle all those hard classes. You're not good enough."
Too freaking bad. I can handle them.
But if I can't do this? Pretty soon this is all gonna fall on me. Too much stress. And I might be screwed up. Too bad. I don't care anymore.