Notice I didn't mention her name. On her advice. And I figured if she suggested that I change names, she'd probably be a little irritated if I didn't change her name. So I'll call ____ ... Susan. :)
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The below is just a (really long) quote, and some thoughts. You don't have to read it, but I do think it's pretty interesting. *shrug* Maybe that's just me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U11RpcSEM_Y&feature=rec-lis-watch-cur_emp-exp_r2
"ok, i made this a while ago becaue this is how i felt. now ive noticed some of the comments ppl left me and some asked if i was emo, no im not, i have cut myself before but i dont do it often, only if i have a major breakdown and no one is around, which is hardly ever...anywaysive learned not to worry to much about these kind of relationship things, yes getting your heart broken sucks but you still shouldnt give up, there is love out there, just take your time, i bet 99% of the people that commented this are under 18 like me, your sstill young enjoy your life, also being "emo" or not talking to people doesnt help, be out going and confident works alot better, and you feel better about yourself and your more likely to get that person your always thinking about, anyways if anyone ever needs any help or advice or just wants to talk, my names thomas, im 14, i live in the florida keys, myspace is www.myspace.com/we_can_be_the_change and my aim is lighttheworld1*update*Now I've totall shifted my lief around. I have an amazing girlfriend and were in love. I'm going to church and active with m outhgroup. Anyone going through rough times can over come. If anyone ever needs help I'll help you. I'm not gonna comfort you and tell you what you wanna hear. I'll give you the harsh truth and then how to make it better so you can actually change your life. And when your in doubt turn to God. He gives us everything so long as we accept his son christ into our hearts. He gave me a great life and a great girlfriend after I started going to church and became christian. The same can happen to you too. So if you want help with your problems or want me to help you get closer to God, let me know, my aim and myspace are above.*update* my girlfriend left me. for some stoner. I'm still strong tho, i learned something from my youthpastor, God already knows who our one person is, and when were ready He'll introduce usAlso please watch my newest video that says hands on hands in the front and tell me what you think about the project*update 12/11/08*so starting in october i've been feeling seperated from God. I'd been feeling depressed by school problems and family issues and friends and stuff like that. I felt so far away from God so I started looking for something to fill the hole. I did something I swore i would never do. I started smoking pot. Sure at the times I was high I couldn't even remember I was depressed but when I sobered up again I remembered all my problems and that everything was still the same. I also started drinking. But then one of my friends said I had changed. I got really hurt by this and unleashed all my built up anger at her. Then another one asked "what happened to that good little christian boy I used to know?" I flipped out on her too. but then just in the past couple weeks I found a verse in my bible during youth group. It said wounds from a friend can be trusted. I asked my youth pastor what that meant and he explained it to me. I understood then that sometimes our friends say stuff and it hurts us but they only say it because they care about us. So in these past 2 weeks I have been 100% sober and I plan on staying that way for the rest of my life. God has forgiven me and blessed me so much in these past couple of weeks since I quit. My birthday was the 9th and it was my best ever. The girl I likes mom baked me a cake and my friend had a surprise party for me and it was just a great day. I just thought I should share this with you guys. Stay in touch! (p.s. I'm 15 now)"
I noticed this because it was different from what I usually see. It reminded me of "On the Outside Looking In" By Jordan Pruitt. Yet while that was Disney channel and thus somewhat optomistic, the above shows someone who fell and was picked up and fell harder. I don't know if God exists and I'm not going to go into a fruitless argument about it with you, but the point is he believes God exists, and it does seem to have helped with his recovery.
Wait. That wasn't my point. Oh, yes. My point: some people complain with the iconic words "story of my life" in the youtube videos about breakups and relationships and such, but really? It's just like my math teacher said, "take things in perspective." Really. It's hard though. Like in Peace, Love, and Rubber Ducks by Lauren Myracle. "You just drown in your own muck inside." Sometimes I get that feeling in golf. Or see people going through it. You get caught up in your internal struggles and forget the outside world. You forget that everyone else suffers too. You forget the beauty of the sunrise and the subtlety of the shadows and the meaning of real pain. You drown in self pity. [And yes I made a bunch of random references and quotes that I hope you followed. I'm in a hurry. It's 10:41 of August 8th and I have to go to bed!]
So that's it for my first new post in a long time. Odd intro of a culmination of two days...but I hope you're happy, Susan.
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