prom makes me want to cry

Prom is supposedly the zenith of every girl's life. That's really depressing. Prom makes me think about how old I'm getting. It makes me think about people pairing up and leaving. It makes me think about the future, which I think about more and more, and less about the past, which I'm mired in.

I want to go to prom but I'm afraid of what it represents. I want to go but it's not something I'll be able to go to easily. I'm fearless, excited, even, about the AP tests that are coming up within the week. They're fun and I like them. But if I go to prom I'll probably die of stress. I don't understand.

I hate it when I look at a guy and I lose track of my thoughts. I hate this bizarre focus on relationships, this tunnel vision that tunes out everyone else except for the significant other. I see couples walking through the school, and they are just a couple and no one else. Where are their friends? DON'T THEY SEE that there's plenty of time for that LATER? Okay, so prom isn't entirely about relationships, but it's mrrrhhhskft and trrpapd and durf.

This post is probably incoherent. There are just no words to describe this. It's like a tumbleweed of negative emotions and hormones and crap. My English teacher was right. Teenagers are too damn hormonal. I probably should see a doctor. Or I could just read a psycology book. Yeah. That's what I'll do. During prom night.