Just listen to music - I am

Because my work ethic sucks...
Because I have to do my math homework right now. Again.
Because my brains are scrambled...
Because apparently the closer you get to me the more likely that the first impression of being intelligent turns into eccentricity....

I suggest that you go to youtube and listen to "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls. And while you're at it, look up "Forever Young" by Jay Z.

It pretty much sums up whatever it is I have to say without relying too much on my clumsy syntax.

I want to trade my heart for another brain.

Titleless because I'm just a number

This system of starving through the ap test then stuffing self with junk food from Jack in the Box isn't doing wonders for my health. Or sanity. Or sense of balance. I'm glad it's over.

But they were pretty fun, in retrospect. Maybe, just maybe, my essay writing can finally be deemed "good."

It would make me really happy.

A symphony of disagreeing body parts

I've always wondered at my lack of personality. Basically all I do is read, eat, study, sleep, and play bubble spinner.

I understand now. My personality isn't out there, in the real world. Perhaps this conversation that I had before and during ap testing will explain.

Car ride.
Mom: I got you sushi!
Me: No thanks.
Stomach: No. No sushi, please. I can't take it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm about to barf.
Mom: Cookies?
Me: No thanks. Maybe later.
Stomach: I want to toss my cookies...
Heart: OMG OMG I REALLY WANT A 5 BUT I WON'T GET ONE.
Brain: Lenses. Burning point. p,q, kq over r square. Zen. You can do this you can do this.
Bladder: Um...guys?

At Testing Center.
Mom: Good luck!
Me:*smiles weakly*
Heart: Doppler effect. dadadadadadadadada
Brain: I wonder if AP Bio has gotten out yet? No? Yes? Hm...there are clumps of people outside the door. I really hope you're not late.
Stomach: I really hope we can find a trash can.
Bladder: :) There's a toilet in there!
Brain: kq over r squared kqover r squared..okay. I know that. Do I know anything else? Nope.
Me: *Wading over to the corner of the room near a bunch of backpacks squished on a plastic table.* Hi.
Brain: Study time! :)
Heart: Doppler effect. DA DA DA
Person: *studying*
Me: *studying*
Brain: *studying*
Heart: *people watching*

During Testing.
Brain: Hey, this isn't too bad...I think I can do this. No I can't. Yes...well...meeeeh....poop.
Stomach: Hm...I think I kinda want food...
Heart: I think I kinda want to stalk prom pictures.
Brain: Think think think think. Hm. I'm thinking about thinking but actually I'm not doing any thinking.
Stomach: Food?
Eyelid: *twitch*
Stomach: I seriously want some food now.
Brain: Be quiet.
Hand: Hey, brain? ...I wanna bubble. Are you going to solve these problems or not?
Brain: You too.
Stomach: FOOOD
Brain: SHUT UP.
Stomach: *grumble*

Breaktime:
Stomach: Food?
Hand: Bank cookie. Here.
Brain: Hm...am I going to be thirsty later?
Stomach: Hungry.
Brain: Fine.

Testing, part two.
Brain: Crap. I don't know how to do the first problem.
Mouth: I taste wierd.
Brain: Kinematics should be the easiest problem.
Throat: I'm thirsty.
Brain: I don't know how to find heat transfer. Or x or theta.
Heart: I DON' WANNA FAIL.
Brain: Gr....
Stomach: *growl*

Good grief. I hope I can't always be persuaded so quickly.

prom makes me want to cry

Prom is supposedly the zenith of every girl's life. That's really depressing. Prom makes me think about how old I'm getting. It makes me think about people pairing up and leaving. It makes me think about the future, which I think about more and more, and less about the past, which I'm mired in.

I want to go to prom but I'm afraid of what it represents. I want to go but it's not something I'll be able to go to easily. I'm fearless, excited, even, about the AP tests that are coming up within the week. They're fun and I like them. But if I go to prom I'll probably die of stress. I don't understand.

I hate it when I look at a guy and I lose track of my thoughts. I hate this bizarre focus on relationships, this tunnel vision that tunes out everyone else except for the significant other. I see couples walking through the school, and they are just a couple and no one else. Where are their friends? DON'T THEY SEE that there's plenty of time for that LATER? Okay, so prom isn't entirely about relationships, but it's mrrrhhhskft and trrpapd and durf.

This post is probably incoherent. There are just no words to describe this. It's like a tumbleweed of negative emotions and hormones and crap. My English teacher was right. Teenagers are too damn hormonal. I probably should see a doctor. Or I could just read a psycology book. Yeah. That's what I'll do. During prom night.