Hehe, I just ordered two boxes of thin mints.



And I'm doing my math homework again. But on time. Yay.



Funny thing. I often quote my favorite teachers. My parents may not know what classes I'm taking, but they know that if I say, "Mr./Mrs. ___ said/says that ...." I like that teacher. I liked my 9th grade English teacher, and I think I did quote her. But there's one thing that she said that stuck with me that I never mentioned to anyone.

I forget what book we had been discussing. But all of a sudden she began to talk about her and her sister's relationship, how they had been close before, how it had taken a back seat when her sister got married. Because the significant other becomes the priority, and the family unit that perhaps results from that is the main focus.

As a teenager, girls like say that friends come before boys, always. But I don't think that's true for older, married people. Even now the conviction of the people that say that is doubtful. Because, after all, your spouse is your true best friend.

It's raining!

And I am going to write. All is good. :)

One of these days I should think of a topic before I blog



Maybe then my blog posts wouldn't be a sprawling mess of words and sugar-induced ideas.



I'll write about the future

----5:21----
[Yes, I'm kind of obessive about dating and putting times on my writings now. Well, the time thing can be reined back. I really like knowing the date, though.]

I feel like my emotions are like a sine graph that drank too much tea. Just a little while ago I felt myself slipping into depression and loneliness. And now I feel perfectly fine, if a little tired. I wonder how often my moods do fluctuate. Because I distinctly remember times when I just wanted to sit alone and wallow in music and misery. Then times when I desperately wanted someone to call and talk to me even though only about two people besides my family and my golf teammates knows my cell phone number. And then there's euphoria, giddiness bubbling up and filling the world with spontaneous laugher. My favorite is contentment, because it's when I'm proud or working [I like the feeling that I get when I accomplish something, or even when I'm working to accomplish something. I feel that, "hey, I'm not a bane one society, I have worth, here's me showing that." I don't mean that in a self-deprecating way. It's one thing to know you're part of something, quite another to feel like it.] or spending time with friends [These moments are the best - they're the ones I'm afraid to lose most, when we grow up and move apart and have our own budding, separate lives.].

Anyways, I should draw a graph plotting emotions - for two months. And see what happens.

10:52 I feel my resolve crumbling. I want to go to sleep. Not because I'm particularly tired [though I am] but because I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to give up. I. Must. Not. Stop. Doing. Math.

10:56 It's cold. I can't believe I forgot how cold it is at night.

11:12 I'm afraid to write much - I'm switching to the first assignment. If I get that done, I can concentrate on the new one. Thunder by Boys Like Girls, piano cover.

11:30 Apparently a 4.5 isn't a decent gpa. Go figure.

11:38 Tired. Sluggish. Wants to quit no longer. Getting closer. Will be happy about this come morning. Used to be able to stay up easily into the am. Last year. What happened?

11:54 Foggy...it goes away when I go to type on the computer. Global warming good for trees; bad for ducks; http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100203/sc_afp/usclimateenvironmentforestry

12:03 Officially thursday. Won't have 4 posts from the same day. River Flows in You by Yiruma.

12:09 Facebook group - I don't want to stop talking to you but I don't know what to say. I have that problem, sometimes. But I won't join the group. I think I may be able to fix it by trying to learn the art of conversation.

12:14 Giant sculpture http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/108752/giacometti-sculpture-becomes-most-expensive-work-ever-to-sell-at-auction Don't worry, still working on math...slowly.

12:31 Done with assignment #2 [#1 was done, just need to finish #3] Oh my goodness. 9 more. Want to sleep???? Well, can't.

12:33 The piano seems too loud. Keep turning the volume down.

1:16 Ha. I did it. Done, done done. Thank you, blog. Thank you New Years Resolution. Thank you, grumpy bitterness that kept me going...

Now I'll try to catch some sleep.

9:27 I'm just going to keep this open...

Because ideas/thoughts keep popping into my head and it's annoying... I think I'm the kind of person who thinks that kittens are cute from a distance but freezes up when they're shoved in my face. Yeah. This post is just going to be the Australia for my stray thoughts.

9:30 That thought popped up when I was looking at a graph with two vectors and a bunch of phis. This isn't even supposed to be that hard. Why can't I do any of it???

9:45 Ha I figured out what I was missing. Bad news: I'm an idiot.

9:49 Person on fb...I'll call him Bud...is feeling depressed because he wants to be around people. I can relate. I'm not much of an advice giver though. I hope I made him feel better and not worse. Haven't seen him in a while, actually. [He sits at lunch] Then again, he never really fit in.

9:53 I want girl scout cookies. Not now though. After I finish math hw.

10:01 Making some progress. I feel like I'm bothering people on facebook. So I'm here, bothering my blog that no one reads. Except Gadi. But Gadi's here by choice.

10:12 Talked to Erin briefly. But she had to leave. Now I'm alone. With my math homework. Again.

10:20 Halfway gone- Lifehouse change from Zzzzz- the Cab. I'll always love Zzzzz. Halfway gone's just a novelty right now.

10:22 I get my highs from staying up late and writing and laughing at things in my head and then laughing some more because I'm laughing at things in my head that no one else can hear. I also have this strange rash on my left arm, where I usually wear my watch. So I'm thinking about switching my watch to my right arm so that I can try to get it to go away. It's been here for weeks. I thought it was getting better, but it just got redder the past two days. At first I was afraid I'd been bitten by a spider. There some scary pictures where an innocent looking red mark turns into a gaping black hole that's eaten into the skin.

10:27 I feel like I should stop. I feel like I'm not using my poor blog properly. I feel like a baby that's banging their precious heirlooms against the floor, and my mom needs to step in and be like, "oookay, sweetie. Nappie time." Except I can't nap because I need to finish my math homework.

In an effort to avoid facing my failure at Calculus III, [Yes, I'm insecure to the point that I'm doing that thing where I throw out the name of the course - oh so casually - in the hopes of impressing someone. That used to annoy me. It still does. I should delete it. But I want someone, somewhere, to tell me that I'm not a potato-head.] I read some of my earliest posts.

And boy, was I an angry kid...

That was just last year, almost exactly! Was I that angry? Did AP Chem destroy me that much??

Perhaps. It was stressful.

I think the fun I had was documented in the doodles Erin and I made, where we drew a stick figure and one person tried to draw things to kill it and one tried to draw things to save it. Or maybe that was just us being sadistic.

I see people doing chemistry now and I laugh.

My point - I'm much happier [and less sadistic] now. But my only homework is basically math and english and I don't even feel bothered when it's 9:02 pm and I haven't made a significant dent in math homework. That's really sad.

Although, I guess the tradeoff is impending college applications and SATs and ACTs and SAT II subject stuff. Whatever it is Collegeboard mandates. Hey. I've done one SAT. But apparently it's not good enough. -.-" At least Erin says it's good. But probably not enough to make up for my GPA. Gr....

Stupid AP Chem. Again.

*zen moment*

I really should do my math homework. Because I made a vow on my gmail status that "I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP UNTIL I FINISH THIS STUPID MATH." And, you know, gmail statuses are law.

Can't I keep blogging? It's so much easier. And funner. Even though 1 person reads this.

No. No you may not.

*SIGH* You're mean. *sniff*

I hate you, orthogonal trajectories.

I hate vectors. I hate scalar projection and vector projection and scalars and space and planes and symmetric equations and intersections of planes in 3-D space.

They say ignorance breeds hate.

Well, it's true.